The Good. The Bad. The Ugly.

“May you always remember to enjoy the road, even when it’s a hard one.” ~ Kobe Bryant

Dear Freshman College Athlete,

You were probably a big shot in your hometown. A starter on your team who played nearly every minute of your youth barring injury or illness. You received accolades and kudos from the local paper, your club, and your school’s social media channels. You had more ups than downs and created memories that will last a lifetime and were so looking forward to taking your game to the next level someday. 

You went through the craziness of the recruiting process and questioned more than once whether it was worth it. Suddenly you had to grow up overnight. You became your own personal assistant sending emails, proofing them 5 times, scheduling phone calls and making sure to answer texts from college coaches in a timely manner, with appropriate grammar, trying to be yourself yet figure out how to impress them without sounding like an arrogant jerk. 

You went on unofficial and official visits and realized they kind of felt like you were at a Toyota dealership being talked into the latest Camry. You got thrown around between paid and unpaid members of the coaching staff and upper class men who showed you the campus, athletic facilities and tried to sell you on the variety of food options and “team culture”. All while your parents were in another room getting grilled so the staff could make sure they weren’t crazy. 

You met the players, you watched a practice or game or maybe even trained with the team. You chatted with the players, you might have spent the night with some of them if you were lucky enough to score an overnight visit. They might have tested you, got you to party and drink too much or do something stupid to test your character. You might have made poor choices. Or maybe not. Either way, you had no idea what you were doing and questioned this whole stressful process.

Some visits were awesome. You felt like you were at home. And others you knew it wasn’t the right fit from the moment you stepped foot on campus. And suddenly you got a hang of this thing. 

This “dating” probably went on for months, even years until you finally “verbally” committed to your dream school. Or just any school. Because after going through the process you realized your D1 dreams weren’t necessarily realistic because maybe your position wasn’t needed that year, you weren’t tall enough, fast enough, couldn’t compete with the internationals who’d been playing 5 hours a day since birth, you didn’t have the grades or the personality to fit in with the team, or maybe you just decided you wanted more of a school/sport balance found in another division.

But it’s hard because everyone around you was committing and you and sometimes more often, your PARENTS, got caught up in it all. Instead of figuring out if this was really the path you wanted to take for the next 4 years, if this was really the school you could see yourself attending with or without your sport, you blew full steam ahead because…everyone around you was, so you thought you should too. 

The ups and downs of this process…the visits and phone calls, the breakups and blessings are NOT for the faint of heart. And at times you felt like walking away from your sport completely. Which was normal. 

But you went ahead and signed your NLI. Your parents snapped pictures. You wore your new collegiate colors proudly on signing day and posted the highly anticipated and expected, “I’m blessed to have committed to…” and thanked all the people that helped you get there. Even the ones you secretly didn’t want to mention. 

You got added to the group text and Snapchat of incoming freshman in your recruiting class then the text chain for the whole team and got really excited for the next year. You got your fitness packet and thought to yourself, “what the hell did I get myself into?” But you worked hard all summer to insure you passed a series of tests that lasted a matter of minutes and you realized that no matter how much you prepared you weren’t ready – physically OR mentally. Because suddenly you were a child among grown men.

You said goodbye to your hometown and moved into your dorm early because you’re an athlete. You might have even come in several weeks early if you were a fall sport athlete. And everything was new and exciting and fun! 

You spent the first several weeks trying to figure out the campus, your roommate, where you fit in on the team, and basic survival skills away from home, where your mom was probably still doing your laundry until the day you moved out. 

You missed your friends, your family and mostly your dog. You were exhausted with two practices a day during preseason. Your body hurt like it hasn’t before. You were already sick of the cafeteria options and having a hard time figuring out what to eat for dinner when you found out the cafe closed before your second practice ended. 

You realized you’re not as strong, quick, or nearly as skillful as you thought you were. You also realized you could have worked harder over the summer, lifted more, ran more, prepared better. But regardless, you were still having the time of your life. Because it was preseason. Then you had an epiphany. EVERYONE was just as good OR better than you! How was this going to play out? But you worked hard, grinded it out, because that’s what you’ve been told to do. You showed up early, body fueled and prepared, did the work, recovery, and everything expected of you. And more…

Preseason came and everyone who wasn’t injured got the opportunity to play. Which is awesome, but you soon realized the coaches already had their starting lineup created. So even if you had a great preseason game, sucked it completely, or sat the bench, there’s no telling what the regular season would bring anyway. You had a good idea what was going to happen for the regular season as you got closer to that week. You were either practicing with the starting lineup or not. 

Game day came, starting line-up was announced, you walked into the locker room and saw the starters uniforms hanging while yours laid on the bench because you were not only not in the starting lineup, you weren’t even rostered. You couldn’t dress in uniform or even sit with the team. Something no one told you about. Oh… and away games no one told you that only 22 players travel out of the 36 on the roster. So you got to stay in your 8×8 dorm while the team bonded over Olive Garden dinners, long bus rides, and 3-star hotel stays.

Game one came and went. Everyone was grinding it out whether they’re a starter, sub, or not rostered. You all continued to sweat your butts off to keep or earn a spot. And suddenly it became not just about earning a spot in the starting lineup, but about getting ANY opportunity, even if it was JUST 5 minutes. You were grateful for every single minute you got to step on that field.  Crazy to think a month ago you thought you would be in the starting lineup by week two! 

You may have had the game of your life off the bench, scored a goal, made a save…became the hero that night — but then back on the bench the next game. You realized there was no consistency to the coach’s plans and you learned to just accept it. You continued to try your best. You messed up. You did well. And within weeks you figured out where you stood on the depth chart. 

You figured out that you are there for a reason. And you may never know why you’ve landed at #27 when you think you should be #8. You could be there to boost the academic average of the team, level out the morale of the team, or be the bench cheerleader they so desperately need. You ask questions, request meetings to review film, continually show your work ethic and commitment to the team. But even then, you are still #27 in the coach’s head. 

But stuff happens, right? Players get injured, sick, sit out for red cards, or get disqualified from participating due to grades. And suddenly you have an opportunity. You go in cold in the 87th minute of a 1-1 soccer game and pray you don’t let the other team score. You run around like a chicken with your head cut off because your body is overloaded with adrenaline and your anxiety level makes your heart beat literally out of your chest. You did it. Game over. 1-1. You get a high five from the grad assistant and go back to your place on the bench.

Freshman season comes and goes. If you didn’t play, you’re lucky if you’ve been given a red shirt year. You are grateful for your 680, 43 or 0 total minutes played. You have your exit meeting with the coaches and learn your fate. And then, if you’re one of the fortunate, you make the decision to do it all over again next year. And maybe it gets better or maybe it stays the same or maybe it even gets worse. You may have the best season of your life, or you might have an amazing start to the next season, secure a starting spot, then get injured 5 games in and the clock starts all over again. You may be the first sub off the bench and play a critical role in several matches, or you might still be on the bench, possibly deeper than you were last year behind this year’s freshman super-studs.

This is the reality of college sports.

I don’t write this to deter you from shooting for the stars and trying to reach the goals that you worked so hard to achieve as a youth athlete. You made it this far, you are the VERY small percentage of high school athletes that have the opportunity to be on a college team. I write this so you understand EXACTLY what you are getting into and to let you know you are not alone. Performing at the collegiate level no matter what division, is not an easy feat and won’t always make sense. It will be unfair. You will want to quit at times. You will regret every choice you made to get there. But it will be worth it if you DON’T GIVE UP!

You will have highs, and you will have lows, and that’s what I want you to remember. Expect them both. Appreciate them both. Learn from them both. Although you can’t see it now, these critical lessons are shaping you into an amazing adult who will one day be able to handle absolutely anything in life, once you hang up your cleats. 

Good luck and enjoy the ride!

Signed,

A soccer mom x3